it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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