Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
