Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
