She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize