I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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