he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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