Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize