Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
