i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
