phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
