Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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