So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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