he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
