Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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