can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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