Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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