I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
