Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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