i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sorry about my life...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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