Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
