do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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