you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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