you turned your livingroom into a bong?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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