Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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