some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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