I cannot find my penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
