She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
