I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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