The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize