Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
