Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
