My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
