My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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