You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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