i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
