Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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