whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
