between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
