This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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