that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
