I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
