Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
