I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
