i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
