so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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