i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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