but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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