I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
