Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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