he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
