too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
