my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she looked like the before picture.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
