party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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