Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
