she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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