just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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