Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
