new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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