Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
