he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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