Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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