I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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