If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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