dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
