i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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