No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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