Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
