I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
