Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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