her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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