i think my mom watched the whole time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Randomize
