Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
