after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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